If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
– If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade…at any time of the year.
– All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.
– The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
– Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
– A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a pretty nurse cleans his wounds.
– When paying for a taxi, never look at your money. Just pull out a bill or two and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
– If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath even if it’s the middle of the afternoon.
– All single women have a cat.
– Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
– It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one.
– When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
– Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.
– No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
– If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
– All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
– It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
– Revolvers will fire at least ten or fifteen times without reloading.
– If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps and join in with you.