- 1. Stewart Francis – “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”
- 2. Tim Vine – “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. “
- 3. Will Marsh – “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
- 4. Rob Beckett – “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.”
- 5. Chris Turner – “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know Y.”
- 6. Tim Vine – “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.”
- 7. George Ryegold – “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.”
- 8. Stewart Francis – “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”
- 9. Lou Sanders – “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.”
- 10. Nish Kumar – “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn’t fancy her chances.”