“Like most liberals, I will do anything for the working classes, anything – apart from mix with them.”
Kevin Day: Standy Uppy (Gilded Balloon, Billiard Room, until Aug 25)
“I’ve got type 1 diabetes. Diabetes is the only disease where I’ve had to stop half way through having sex to have a Kit Kat.”
Ed Gamble: Gambletron 5000 (Pleasance Courtyard, Cabaret Bar, until Aug 24)
“I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said, I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is. He said, You have to love Easter, baby.”
Tim Vine: Timtiminee Timtiminee Tim Tim to You (Pleasance Courtyard, One, until Aug 24)
“Due to the size of my social circle, a lads’ holiday would resemble a romantic getaway.”
Phil Wang: Mellow Yellow (Pleasance Courtyard, Bunker One, until Aug 24)
“My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.”
Mark Watson: Flaws (Pleasance Courtyard, One, until Aug 24)
“There’s only one thing I can’t do that white people can do, and that’s play pranks at international airports.”
Nish Kumar: Ruminations on the Nature of Subjectivity (Pleasance Courtyard, Beside, until Aug 24)
“When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert: we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits.”
Frank Skinner: Man in a Suit (Assembly George Square, Theatre, until Aug 24)