Q:What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A: A rebel without a Claus. Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
A big festive word of thanks to Richard Goard of Englefield Green, Surrey for these gems.
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? A: Because it soot’s him
Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? A: Because the present’s beneath them.
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? A: Tinselitis!
Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ? A: Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers? A: Subordinate clauses
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q: What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off? A: Limp Bizkit
Q: What is the popular Christmas carol in the Desert? A: Camel ye Faithful.
Q: What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? A: mistletoe.
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
Q: What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A: A pack of batteries which at the bottom says “toy not included”.
Q: What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? A: Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.
Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ? A: They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies ? A: Snowballs.
Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas? A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.
Q: Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ? A: Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Frosted Flakes
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? A: Crisp Cringle.
Q:Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer? A: Because every buck is dear to him!
Q:What do you call a blind reindeer?. A: No eye deer.
Q: What do you call a lobster that won’t share its Christmas presents? A: “Shell-Fish”
Q: What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? A: Anything you want. He can’t hear you..
Q: What goes “oh oh oh”? A: Santa walking backwards
photo credit: Matti Mattila via photopin cc