- After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
- I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
- I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
- Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
- All men are cremated equal
- Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one
- Spike: there’s only one cure for seasickness Somebody: what’s that? Spike: climb a tree
Goon Show
Bloodnok: I’ll turn a deaf ear. Seagoon: I didn’t know you had a deaf ear.
Bloodnok: Yes, I found it on the floor of a barber’s shop.
Seagoon: We’ve come to disconnect your phone. The Red Bladder: I haven’t got one.Seagoon: Don’t worry, We’ve brought one with us.
Seagoon: Any cases of frozen feet? Eccles: You didn’t order any cases of frozen feet!
Seagoon: For an hour we ran in French, which I ran fluently.
Eccles: ‘Quick, hide behind this pane of glass!’ Seagoon: ‘But you can see through it!’ Eccles: ‘Not if you close your eyes!’ Seagoon: ‘You’re right!’
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/spikemilliganjokes.html