- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
- I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny: you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
- This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says ‘Audi!’
- I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and told me I’d been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned again to say I’d been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me Managing Director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said ‘I careered off the road.’
- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen.’ It said, ‘Parking Fine.’
