An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash…
They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.
When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at their new possessions, the old man asked Peter how much all of this was going to cost. “It’s all free,” Peter replied. “We are in heaven, after all.”
Next they surveyed the lush championship golf course behind their home, where they were entitled to play everyday.
Of course, all the old man wanted to know, was: “How much are the green fees?”
“It’s free!” came the reply.
Next, they went to the club house, and saw the lavish buffet on offer, with all of the world’s different cuisines on offer, every meal cooked to perfection.
“How much do we have to pay for two?” asked the old man.
“Don’t you understand, yet?!” Peter replied, exasperated. “It’s all free, you’re in heaven!”
“Well, where are the low fat and cholesterol tables then? The food won’t have too many calories, will it?” the old man asked, looking quite worried.
“That’s the best part of heaven,” Saint Peter said, excitedly. “You can eat as much of whatever you want, and you won’t gain a single gram!”
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it wildly. His wife and Peter tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife. “This is all your fault!” he screamed! “If it weren’t for you and your fuckin bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”