Whether professional or personal, relationships often function like an elaborate balancing act that teeters dangerously when lacking empathy. No amount of wit or charm can rescue you if people feel you’re as emotionally responsive as a cinder block.
There’s no shortage of examples: the colleague who offers unsolicited feedback that feels more like a body slam or the friend who talks at you, rather than to you, about their latest crisis. We’ve all been there, wondering whether the relationship is salvageable or doomed.
The truth is that empathy can’t always be chalked up to instinct. For many, it’s a skill that requires deliberate practice. Yes, “empathy training” sounds overwhelming, but it could be the key to better interactions and fewer eye-rolls from those around you.
Here are five signs that you, dear reader, might need a refresher in understanding other humans.
1. People Say You Don’t Listen
If the phrase “Are you even listening to me?” feels like it’s been directed at you more times than you’d like, this is your cue. Listening isn’t just about nodding at the right moments or throwing in a well-placed “mhmm”. It’s about engaging and paying attention to what and how it’s being said.
Empathy training emphasizes this distinction, helping you tune into subtle cues that reveal far more than words can ever convey.
Interruptions are a dead giveaway that you’ve lost the plot. Jumping in with advice before someone has finished their sentence might feel helpful to you, but to them, it screams, “Your thoughts are secondary to mine.” That’s not dialogue; that’s a monologue with guest appearances.
Instead, let pauses linger. Sometimes, people just need to vent without fear of being side-swiped by your brilliant solutions.
2. You Struggle to Apologise
A reluctance to apologise often masks a deeper issue: the inability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective. If apologies feel like swallowing broken glass, empathy training could help you approach conflict with less defensiveness and more understanding.
It’s not just about muttering “Sorry” to end an argument. A good apology acknowledges harm done, takes responsibility, and demonstrates that you’re actively trying not to repeat the offence. Without that trifecta, your apology might as well come with a return policy. People don’t want a quick fix; they want to know you’ve considered their feelings.
Refusing to apologise—or worse, giving a non-apology like “I’m sorry you feel that way”—only widens the gap between you and the other person. Apologies aren’t a sign of weakness; they prove you value the relationship enough to admit when you’ve mucked it up. If that’s not worth practising, what is?
3. Feedback from Others Hits a Nerve
If constructive criticism feels like a personal attack, it’s a red flag for your empathy reserves. While no one enjoys being told they’re wrong, people who lack empathy often interpret feedback as an affront rather than an opportunity. Empathy training helps reframe feedback as a tool for growth rather than an insult to your character.
Consider this: when someone points out a mistake, they’re not handing you a scarlet letter. They’re giving you a chance to improve—a gift, albeit one wrapped in sandpaper. Learning to empathise with the critic’s perspective can help you separate the message from your emotions. After all, their goal (usually) isn’t to drag you down but to build you up.
Responding to feedback with humility and grace doesn’t just improve your relationships; it makes you a better collaborator, friend, or partner. People respect those who can handle a little heat without combusting. If your instinct is to fire back defensively, it might be time to rethink your approach.
4. People Avoid Sharing Their Problems With You
When was the last time someone confided in you? If it’s been a while, you might be inadvertently closing yourself off as a sounding board. People seek out listeners who make them feel safe, valued, and understood. If you’re the type to dismiss concerns with a casual “You’ll be fine” or offer a solution before they’ve finished talking, you could alienate them.
Empathy training encourages patience—a virtue often underestimated in its importance to meaningful connections. Sometimes, people just need a shoulder to lean on, not a full-scale project manager for their emotional turmoil. Listening without rushing to “fix” things can be transformative.
Relationships thrive on mutual trust and understanding. If people feel they can’t approach you without being judged or dismissed, they’ll eventually stop trying. Rebuilding that trust takes time, but it starts with demonstrating that you’re willing to listen and validate their experiences.
5. Being Overly Critical
Criticism is helpful in small doses, like salt on chips. Too much, and you’ve ruined the meal. If you’re constantly pointing out flaws in others, you’re not offering constructive feedback; you’re being a walking red pen. Over-criticism erodes trust and leaves people feeling that nothing they do is good enough.
This behavior often disguises itself as “just being honest” or “telling it like it is.” But ask yourself: is honesty your priority, or are you simply using it as a shield for unnecessary negativity? Empathy training can help you distinguish between being honest and being harsh. A critical remark should serve a purpose, not just feed your inner perfectionist.
When tempted to criticize, pause and consider whether your input will help. Does your friend’s hairstyle need commentary if it isn’t to your taste? If your colleague’s presentation had a few typos, could you offer guidance without delivering a verbal smackdown? Being kind doesn’t dilute your truth; it makes it palatable.
Bottom Line
Empathy isn’t an innate gift bestowed upon a select few; it’s a skill that can be cultivated and refined. Recognizing the signs that your empathy levels need a tune-up is the first step toward more fulfilling relationships.
With some effort and perhaps some well-timed empathy training, you can transform from an emotional bystander into someone people turn to and trust. After all, the best relationships aren’t built on grand gestures but on the everyday acts of understanding that make others feel genuinely valued. And who wouldn’t want that?