The wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I said, Do you know him? Yes, she sighed, He’s my old boyfriend I understand he took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.
My God, I said,Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she’s driving a car.
As she’s going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, “Excuse me ma’am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license?”
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, “Excuse me ma’am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?”
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man’s room again he jumps out. He’s stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, “Oh no – not the Breathalyzer again!”