Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? – Professional courtesy.
What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
There was an empty seat.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people could not tell which side to spit on.