1) I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine – Bruce Lansky
2) They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. It’s more complicated than that – Gardner Dickinson
3) I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them – Harry Tofcano
4) Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks – Anon
5) I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play – Anon
6) Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money – Lee Trevino
7) The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil – Unknown
8) I’d like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me – Seve Ballesteros
9) If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball – Jack Lemmon
10) Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose – Winston Churchill