‘It’s the way I tell them’ / Frank Carson Laughter Spot

Laughter Spot / A Frank Carson special http://t.co/K0OwGI7CgG

— Will Corry (@slievemore) September 11, 2013

1. There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn’t get burnt.

2. Paddy is woken in the middle of the night by a phone call. The caller says: ‘Is that Dublin 22 33 22?’ Paddy says,:’No it’s Dublin 223 322!’ The caller apologises for waking him in the middle of the night, Paddy says: ‘Oh it’s all right I had to get up to answer the phone anyhow!’

3. A man walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”

4. A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got any Viagra?” “Do you have a prescription?” asks the chemist. “No,” he replies, “But ‘I’ve got a photograph of the wife.”

5. A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: “Sorry, you?ve only got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”

6. I rang British Telecom. I said: “I want to report a nuisance caller.” The voice on the other end said: “Not you again.”

7. A man says to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” The doctor says: “We should have told you yesterday.”

8. My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.

9. My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”

10. A man’s hurt in an accident with a vacuum cleaner. I phoned hospital to see how he was. Nurse said: “He’s picking up.”

11. My wife went into the butchers and said: “You’ve a sheep’s head in your window.” The butcher said: “That’s a mirror.”

12. An Irishman’s wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

13. Dear Son, I hope you are having fun in Australia. I am sending you three socks as your telegram said you’ve grown another foot.

14. There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: “You can’t eat your own food in here.” So they swapped sandwiches.