Via SUZAN ST MAUR
Three + a bonus one air travel jokes to add to our award winning ‘Laughter Spots’ … whether you’re a frequent or occasional flyer, you’ll find some good laughs to enjoy here.
Shooting star
On one particular flight when the first officer was at the controls, the aircraft had landed very roughly indeed. Unfortunately for him, the policy of the airline concerned required him to stand by the door while the passengers left, smile, and say “thank you for flying Airline X.”
Bearing in mind his bad landing, he could scarcely look the passengers in the eye, thinking that surely someone would bring up the landing goof. But no-one did. However as the last passenger – an elderly gentleman walking with a Zimmer frame – drew level with the first officer, he stopped. “Young man,” he said, “I flew Spitfires in the war. Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, sir,” said the first officer. “What is it?”
“Well,” continued the old veteran, “did we land or were we shot down?”
Noisy
Just as an airliner was beginning to accelerate along the runway it screeched to a halt and taxied back to the airport building. After an hour on the ground and the usual banalities being given over the PA system, the aircraft finally left its dock, taxied back to the runway and took off.
“What was the real problem?” asked a passenger of a passing steward.
“Well, the pilot got all worked up about a noise coming from one of the engines,” replied the steward, “and it took an hour to find another pilot.”
Searching
A woman, whose husband was an airline captain, couldn’t believe how bad he was at finding simple things around the house. On one occasion he asked where the sugar bowl was. “I don’t believe this,” she exclaimed. “You’re capable of finding Liverpool airport in thick fog, but you can’t find the sugar bowl.”
“Ah,” replied her husband, “but nobody moves Liverpool airport.”
Customs
A particularly keen young customs officer decided to run a spot check on an elderly woman and a younger man as they came through Heathrow after a flight from the United States. He searched everything in their hand luggage very carefully and, coming across a small porcelain lidded container he opened it up. Seeing a powdery substance inside it he licked his finger, dipped it into the container, then tasted it.
The elderly woman burst into tears, and initially the young customs officer thought he had caught his first drug smuggler. “Hmmm,” he mused after a second or two, “it certainly doesn’t taste like an illegal drug.”
“Of course it doesn’t, you idiot,” snarled the younger man who was comforting the older woman. “And thank you for upsetting my mother. It’s my late father’s ashes.”
Graphics by Shutterstock
