- Newspaper headline: Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
- A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
- My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me, it’s just kiln time.
- Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
- Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
- I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me up the wrong way.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
- When you dream in colour, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
- My personal favourite:
- Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Many thanks to Marlene in Perth, WA for this one!
